By James Alexander McDaid (@jamwithlabour)
Arise Ye Starvlings and all hail the great chieftain o’ the puddin’ race!
Today, we in the patriotic party of the people join our fellow Scots in raising a glass to our national bard.
Well, it’s not like anyone goes to Burns Suppers anymore, as our comrades in Edinburgh East Branch can attest. Who even likes Haggis? Nationalists, that’s who! The worker has no haggis, he eats only the foodstuffs forged in the class struggle, struck when the Irn was hot!
While the Chapman Billies (who I think must be door-to-door No campaigners) may have left the street, Jim Murphy’s drouthy neibors will be the subject of poetic musings for many years to come, thanks to our Comrade Leader.
Unlike Robert Burns, whose bourgeois morality tales about drinking would make him a good fit for today’s SNP, Jim Murphy will restore the historic right of Scots to get pished at the football. As if any further proof was needed that Scottish Labour will never, ever abandon the working class. By contrast, that Nicola Sturgeon doesn’t even go jogging in her Scotland top. Why this lack of patriotism from the First Minister? The proletariat demands answers and for every answer the SNP gives you, Scottish Labour will give you a THOUSAND extra answers. Jim Murphy can do that you know, it’s called poetic license.
So let auld acquaintance be forgot, especially if that acquaintance was Johann Lamont, and join me in toasting Scotland’s patriotic poet.
More from Comrade McDaid:
Full Marx for our Future First Minister
All Hail the People’s Princess!
Workers of the Regions: United with Labour
Find us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/AThousandFlowers
Follow us on Twitter @unsavourycabal