By James Alexander McDaid (@jamwithlabour)

Arise Ye Starvlings and all hail the tactical vote!

Under capitalist tyranny, the true conditions for democracy do not exist.  What appears free and fair is nothing but a corporate distortion, engineered to benefit the interests of the market/SNP monopoly…most specifically that Nicola Sturgeon.

The ruling class have ensured this May’s General Election works as follows:

Vote SNP, get Tory.  Vote Green, get Tory.  Vote UKIP, get Tory.  And no-one’s voting Lib Dem anyway.  So whatever happens, the Tories always win.

The Central Committee for PR Disasters & Subsequent Purges have produced this handy chart to show you when you should keep the Tories out by voting Lib Dem…or maybe Tory.  The most important thing to remember is that you must never vote SNP.  If you do, you might end up with Tories!!!

If this is all getting a bit confusing, you’ll be delighted to know that there is a vote which is both tactical AND principled.  For this election, as with all elections hitherto, there is only one slogan true revolutionaries need to remember:

VOTE LABOUR, GET SOCIALISM!

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– Defending Marxist education

Scottish Labour believes in free Higher Education, Scottish Labour has always believed in free higher education.  To these ends, Scottish Labour MPs will vote to reduce tuition fees in England and Wales to a mere 83% higher than they were under Gordon Brown.

As internationalists, we will always oppose those small minded separatists,  who suggest Scotland should have some kind of separate, special arrangements to protect higher education.  Universalism is a counter-revolutionary Sturgeonite  subsidy to the privileged, long opposed by the worker’s party.

A Labour vote can help guarantee that the separate, special arrangements that Scotland deserves will be protected, since as we all know universalism is a socialist principle which ensure the dignity and equality of all humanity, a founding value of the Labour Party.

Anyone who suggests Jim Murphy campaigned for tuition fees as NUS President and voted to introduce them in Government will be sent for a program of re-education.  The course will be free for Scots (as is our natural birthright) but cost you shit loads if you’re an English/other foreign.

– Putting North Britain First

The Comrade Lord Smith Commission was the result of a glorious democratic process and must be defended against disgusting attacks by separatists.  Only by voting Labour can we ensure REAL home rule and not that class collaborationist disgrace of a Smith Commission, concocted by an unelected Lord.

Patriotism is the last refuge of the capitalist roader and we in Scottish Labour would never engage in such anti-materialism.  Instead, we will continue to drink Irn Bru and defend your right to get pished at the football, like the people’s patriots we are.

– Protecting our Planet

If you care about the future of our planet remember it was Scottish Labour who took the battle for climate justice to the tweets, by going on Twitter and saying we voted against fracking when we hadn‘t bothered.

Rather than voting in bourgeois parliament, we believe in direct action and will not indulge in climate destroying trips to Westminster.  We are committed to reducing our carbon footprint in the next parliament by not attending crucial votes as often as we can.

– A Vote for Change

It was the great Leon Trotsky who coined the phrase, “transitional program” and under Comrade Miliband policies like the welfare cap, universal credit, free schools and austerity will all remain.  This will ensure a smooth transition between the current epoch of Tory destruction and a bright future under Labour.

We oppose the extreme £70bn deficit reduction plan laid down by the Tories and have instead proposed a radical people’s budget cut, which is completely different.

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With all these radical policies and probably more, it’s no wonder Scottish Labour are on course to return a glorious cadre of MPs to the Worker’s Assembly of Westminster.

Heed not the “polls” of the capitalist press, reflecting the manufactured consent of the ruling class – our workplaces, communities and the bus stops outside where the Job Centre used to be, all are rising up to deliver a victory for Scottish Labour.

With a victory for Red Ed on the horizon, the dawning of a new era of socialism can’t be far behind.  Can it???

If you don’t know, Vote Labour.

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More from Comrade McDaid:

Jim Murphy: Scotland’s National Bard

Full Marx for our Future First Minister

Workers of the Regions: United with Labour

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Follow us on Twitter @unsavourycabal

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