by James Alexander McDaid
Honorary President of the Labour4Communism Student Society
Arise Ye Starvlings and all hail the Big Red Bus! The seperatist counter-revolutionaries may want to make 2014 an anas horriblis for our Labour movement and our united Kingdom but the working man will not rest until we have our Anas Sarwaris
As the referendum campaign is conducted in mere conjecture, Comrade Sarwar II, prefers FACTS. When questioned on his support for the continued reign of Commadante Lamont, he enlightened the residents of North Britain with a clear analysis of the material conditions of our current epoch, “Johann Lamont IS the leader of the Scottish Labour Party” he said. What better way to declare his unquestioning support for our glorious Lamont? Comrade Lord Mandelson embraced this spirit of Sarwarist solidarity, with an explicit endorsement of Master Millipede, when he confirmed that Ed Milliband “is the leader we have.”
Let the nationalist idealists harp and carp over vague promises like guaranteed nuclear disarmament, defence of the reformist welfare state and “democracy.“ (which as we all know, is nothing but an illusion, dreamed up by the bourgeoisie and that Nicola Sturgeon.). Our analysis remains firmly grounded in objective materialism. Ed Milliband IS the leader of the Labour Party, Johann Lamont has ALWAYS been the leader of the Scottish Labour Party. 2 states: good, 4 states: bad.
Our party, our movement, our class – will not be divided – We are United with Labour under Sarwar, no wait, Lamont…what’s Jim Murphy up to?
Let the class traitors sneer at the crucial task of looking after the red bus, which comrade Sarwar II has bravely been assigned by our gracious Leader (yes, she IS our leader). Those who travel on the big red bus to socialism reject cults of personality and focus only on the revolutionary policies which will transform our United Kingdom. So today, let us re-state our transitional demands which we shall defend in the event of a No vote in September – our “No Thanks” Communist Manifesto for the glorification of North Britain (Marxist-Leninist). Let us be clear that our class interests are protected only by being taken for a ride on the big red bus and letting the driver of social transformation (whoever he or she may be…) lead us ever onwards.
Only the big red bus can offer nothing for something
Vote for us and pay your taxes and you’ll be entitled to…nothing! For too long the bourgeois intelligentsia have exploited our free education, free prescriptions and shoved their grannies onto (non-red) free busses at the expense of the working man. A Labour Government will ensure universalism is consigned to the (Britain) First Bus of history. Our resources will be targeted at those who really need them, like troublesome Labour Deputy Leaders, who could do with a few more big red buses.
Only the big red bus will make us One Nation
Let’s not make ourselves foreigners by voting Yes, Every true communist knows that foreigners are really bad. We will not allow the corporatist agenda of the EU superstate to make ANYONE foreigners in our United Kingdom. What could be more in keeping with our Labour spirit of anti-racism, solidarity and internationalism than saying we don’t want any of those kind around here? Say “No thanks” and be One Nation.
Only the big red bus will bring about a new tech revolution
We will deal with the reactionary forces of Faragism by bringing internet to the masses enslaved by capitalist ignorance/the excellent BBC (which is totes a national institution and we might not get Eastenders if we vote Yes, so what about that eh??)
Only Labour will herald a new dawning of class consciousness, by bringing computer skillz to the class traitors who voted UKIP because they didn’t have a smartphone. Mandatory lessons will be provided in browsing the web, sending a bigoted email and sharing a Britain First meme across multiple social media platforms. #OneNation
Only the big red bus can bring about proletarian re-education
They say school days are the best days of your life, so any future Labour Government will send unemployed young people back from whence they came for a programme of re-education. Should the lumpen masses insist on maintaining the false consciousness that going on loads of courses doesn’t actually make jobs exist, the Central Committee for Revolutionary Discipline & Pensions shall cease to fund their decadent lifestyles by removing money for extravagancies like food and shelter.
Only the big red bus will disarm ALL the worlds nuclear weapons
Why settle for just getting rid of the ones in your particular region of our United Kingdom? You’re not a NATIONALIST are you?? The Sarwar has no borders of course and has made constant proclamations about his desire to disarm the whole world. As internationalists, we want workers of all nations to live in peace and Sarwony, so whether it’s Washington, Tehran or definitely not Israel, wherever there are nuclear weapons, we’ll put Anas Sarwar on a bus and tell him not to come back until he’s disarmed them all personally.
Why settle for the uncertainties of seperation when you can get guaranteed, progressive policies like these and maybe even some more? Only the enemies of proletarian democracy want to stop the bus and be a wee-wee nation.
So strike a blow for our class this September by remembering to endorse the status quo. They ARE our leaders after all.
One Bus. One Party. One Nation.