In the “information age” running a blog gives you immense and unbridled power. The insane amount of personal data collected by “the internet” is really quite staggering.
We should be making the case for better security and encouraging our readers to protect themselves online. We should be damning the nasty governments and the Googles of the world who’re mining your information. But to be honest, the search terms which have resulted in stray visitors to the blog are nothing short of fucking hilarious. So today, we shall offer a brief and we hope almost legal glimpse into the psyche of those who we suspect may have lost their way.
Like the rest of the blog, this post is almost entirely fiction and fantasy and is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only.
You looking for someone?
People love finding dirt about other people on the internet. But not nearly as much as you all love googling yerselfs. Some are more resourceful than others – adding their political organisations, putting their first and surnames the wrong way round, using inverted commas – but the sheer number of total egotists/nosey bastards in the world delights us. Not least because it means occasionally some of the baddies might actual get to see themselves as others see them. And keep up the guess work about who we are, where we come from, what even are we anyway. Still not telling.
Whit you scared of?
We live in frightening times and it’s clear most of the internet is on high alert. Despite our feeble attempts to suggest that maybe we should be worried about politicians, the media or the bastards who’re running the world in plain sight, it’s clear many of you may be pre-occupied. Reptilian overlords pale into insignifance compared to those you’re battling in local planning disputes, arguments about hedges and barnies what to do about their bloody weans. And then there’s always the constant paranoia that you are about to go home and find your possessions being thrown out the window in binbags. All we want to know is, what exactly have you been up to you?
Whit you wantin?
We do actually know what you get up to when no-one’s watching. We see what you’re really looking for and it’s not pretty. I couldn’t possibly complete this empirical masterpiece and not mention how many people are looking for something more than just some Floral Sects. Calling people wankers on an (almost) weekly basis certainly brings in the punters. In many ways, it’s the ultimate form of trolling – not just for those we name and shame but for anyone having a 5 finger jam who is suddenly presented with pictures of Brian Souter riding a unicorn or George Galloway doing a cat impression. One thing’s for sure, if it’s not happened already, we’re well on our way to having made a thousand dissapointed wankers.
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