You might think people who count NEO-NAZI BLACK METAL among their interests wouldn’t be the sort to get upset easily, but you would be wrong. Cause tonight, they’ve all been throwing a massive fucking hissy fit after it emerged that not everyone is as thrilled as they are at the idea of stars of the “Nationalist Socialist Black Metal” scene, Finland’s Satanic Warmaster, coming to Glasgow next year.
This will be the first ever UK gig by the comically titled Satanic Warmaster, who’ve been shouting their way around Finland in silly costumes since 1998. Anyway, the important thing to know about Satan’s Warmaster is that they are DEFINITELY NOT RACIST. They’re so not-racist, you see, that they have to continually remind everyone that they’re not racist, which is always the hallmark of not being a racist. Case in point: all of UKIP.
Satanic Masterrace’s Glasgow show was announced on Thursday, with tickets on sale on Friday morning. With only 200 available – and this their first ever UK gig – it’s set to be a sell-out. However, within hours, the gig promoters had already been forced into a Facebook statement on how Satanic Warmaster are – let me get this straight – NOT RACIST:
Let me get this straight for you. The band are not racist. They have stated it SO many times over the years and many of you still put them in that category, the band also posted a chart of their Lyrical Content which found not to have any Racism involved. This is a BLACK METAL show. Not a political protest. If you want to debate over racist nonsense please see yourself down to Westminster and debate with Nigel Farage or Britains First
Safe to say, Satanic Warmaster fanboy bros are NOT HAPPY about this. When they’re not pre-emptively defending themselves from the tumblr postings of invisible hordes of “greeting faced poofs/Socialist Worker scum”, they’re calling on the EDL and Britain First to come and defend them in the event of “Antifa” showing up, a funny kind of attitude to take for fans of a definitely not racist band.
So what’s the big deal with “legendary metallers” Satanic Warmasterrace? It turns out that, as a band, they don’t so much flirt with Nazi imagery as like, release split singles with bands called things like “Aryan Blood”, contributed to a compilation called “Declaration of Anti-Semetic Terror” and have been signed to notorious Nazi-linked record label ‘No Colours Records’. Black metal isn’t really a genre that does minimalism or subtlety, and that certainly shows here. Nor is Satanic Warfuhrer’s lyrical content exactly a shining example of nuance either, with lyrics to 2001 track Wolves of Blood and Iron including “Sieg Heil! The sign of our cross rises” and “Torching the Jewish creation”.
They sound like a friendly bunch. But what would we know – according to some metal bros on the deepest reaches of the black metal/gamergate web, we’re probably just part of the conspiracy in which the “comedy of media and hipsters trying to censor metal continues” and we’re all “social justice warriors who all look the same”. Waaawaaaawaaa.
Postscript: Satanic Warmaster have been in touch with us to say that they’re defos not racist. Thanks for settling that, guys.