WEEKLY WANKER #001: RAY WINSTONE

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By I Am Séamus Fierce

Howdy doody, and welcome to our new blog’s new feature, casting a spotlight on the biggest bawbag of the last 7 days. They don’t come much bigger than this week’s entry: the obvious pick to star in a film named ‘Sexy Beast’, cameo appearer in Danny Dyer’s new blockbuster* and all-round Cock-a-knee ‘Ardman… take a bow, RAY WINSTONE.

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Why? Why tarnish the reputation of one of Blighty’s best-loved celebs, a man who has served the nation so well, shouting “YOU WANT SOME?” for the enjoyment of the type of person who requires help while voting BNP cos they don’t know how to spell the X on the ballot paper? Why? Well, if you stop saying “why”, I’ll tell you. Or rather I’ll let our Raymond do the talking. In an impassioned interview on reputable news source talkSPORT Radio recently, the burly thespian ranted: “I can see myself leaving. I love this country but I’ve had enough. I don’t see what we are being given back. I just see the country being raped”.

Well, where do you start? Perhaps counter-intuitively, let’s begin by recognising the kernel of truth at the centre of this metric tonne of shit. The UK is in decline. Westminster politicians are running public services into the ground, as a precursor to handing the keys to G4S, Atos et al. Scotland in 2033 will be like Mad Max with less hotties and worse weather, unless we leave the UK and save the welfare state. Between the Bedroom Tax, pay freezes, rising racism and cops with kill-freely licences, there’s a lot of fear and loathing out there. However, on the list of folk I feel sympathy for, millionaire plastic thugs greeting about their tax bill – especially rape belittlers – don’t feature too highly. They’re pretty much down there with Holocaust deniers and puppy drowners.


The issue here is not about taxes being high. In fact, since the not-so-jolly giant’s career started in 1976, the rates paid by rich guys like him have fallen from 83% to 45% of their income. Combine that with the exponential growth of tax-dodging consultancies offering advice on creative ways to hide your money from the Revenue, and it’s little wonder there’s potholes in the roads and fire stations closing down. The story of the last 40 years is the erosion of wealthy people’s compliance with social responsibility. In plain language, they wanna keep their cash and the rest of us can get tae. It’s the same argument we hear from big banks and the wanks who run them: “wah! wah! stop taxing us or we’ll take our money elsewhere”; to which the obvious answer is “off you fuck then, bye. Oh, did we mention the 100% emigration tax?”

Ray has a record on this stuff, Back in ’08, he was complaining that the country had “gone to the dogs” and that he was gonna leave. Well, he still hasn’t pissed off yet, proving he’s as lazy as he is obnoxious. He clearly fancies himself as a free thinker, but it’s exactly the same tripe you hear from steaming old farts and demented taxi drivers all the time… BRITAIN ISN’T GREAT ANYMORE, MORE BOBBIES ON THE BEAT, DIANA SHOULD OF BEEN QUEEN, BLAH BLAH. He’s talking out his arse, but the language he uses makes it so much more offensive, conflating his PAYE deductions with the trauma of bodily violation, potentially trigerring thousands of victims in order to make a cheap point.

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This is rape culture, and it is everywhere. We’re all rightly aghast when horror stories emerge from the BBC, the Catholic Church, or even the Socialist Workers Party. But the fact remains that conviction rates following rape have been stuck at around 5% for years, with no serious concern from lawmakers. I can say with confidence that talkSPORT won’t distance themselves from Winstone’s comments, and he will think it’s just the way real blokes talk. And in a way, it is.

It’d be daft to claim it’s a simple mechanism of inappropriate language directly causing sexual violence. But it’s just as misguided to pretend that the way you use words doesn’t affect people’s understanding of issues. First of all, stop saying “frape”. Yes, you. It’s not cool. OK. Then, when you start to add up all the times you hear misuse of the word “rape”, mainstream comedians making rape jokes, insinuations that women are to blame because they wear the wrong clothes, or lads bantering about getting someone so drunk they can’t say no, then it’s undeniable that these accumulate to worsen the situation. Let’s be clear: things are so bad now, rape is borderline legal. That’s the scandal ignorant pigs like Ray Winstone are blissfully unaware of.

While we’re calling people out, I saw Mark Thomas on twitter earlier RTing some quip about calling him ”Rape Winstone” as payback. Both bad politics and not funny, a remarkable feat for a left-wing comedian.

Back once more to Raymond Andrew Winstone (a wee bitty Scotch, perchance?) whose career has genuinely included some astonishing accolades. I’m most impressed by him being called a “sexist dinosaur” in that radical feminist propaganda rag known as the Daily Mail. This was for his role in a remake of ‘The Sweeney’, “removing any trace of the character’s intelligence, charm or sex appeal.” Apparently. I’m not daft enough to watch it.

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However, I don’t wanna seem completely dismissive of his unhappiness. A fresh start in a new country may do him good. I’ll try to arrange for him to join fellow hackit millionaire and sexist prick Gerard Depardieu, who recently went in a huff over taxes and gave up his French citizenship, preferring to relocate to Russia. Please come this way comrades, you’ll be enjoying a long and productive stay at the Hotel Gulag.

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*’Run for your Wife’ Opening weekend takings: £774

2 responses to “WEEKLY WANKER #001: RAY WINSTONE

  1. Reading the comments on the Huffington Post piece about this… a large number of people arguing over whether Britain is being “raped” by high taxes or “raped” by the tax dodging rich (mostly agreeing with him though). Several pages deep and haven’t encountered a single person criticising the horrible misuse of the word rape. Shows that even people who think they are somehow progressive and understand how fucked up the wealth gap and the rhetoric surrounding the entitlement of rich people is, can’t grasp that women are people and rape is not a joke.

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